Mixed of Feeling

I'm kind of tired. Everyone has deep worries. When I come to home, I did not find comfort and had mixed emotions. It's really tiring to have this kind of feeling. 

I'm trying to understand everything. I have to understand how my parents feel, I position myself as a child, and force myself to grow up faster as the eldest child. I don't know my parents feelings, maybe they got hurt because of me, I guessed. And, it hurts me to grow up like this too. Sometimes, I have thought that I would choose to die and hurt my worthless self.

However, sometimes I understand the feelings of those who are super tired of everything.